I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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