I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize