i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
