i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
