Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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