I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
