your room smells of hookers.
And success
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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