Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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