One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
