A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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