I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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