i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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