I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
