My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
