I'm gonna have a badass scar
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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