Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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