What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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