You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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