the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
