I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
