the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
