Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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