im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That accounts for only three of the penises
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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