this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
