Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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