we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
