Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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