I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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