FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
