Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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