So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
