I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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