i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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