how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
