mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
