I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
