girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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