Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
