We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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