Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
