I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
