worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
