As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
In America we eat man semen.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
