Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
