Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
