They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
