I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
