Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
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Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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