This house was built for laser tag.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
