i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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