my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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