Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
