..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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