Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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