i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
