Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
