I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
