this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
