Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
