I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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