I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
