saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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