Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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