please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize