I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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