He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
