There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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