You can't motorboat a personality
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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