Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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