I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
