Soap is not a condiment
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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