Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
