The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
