apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
