you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
