i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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