HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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